The picture was complete.

I saw the most exquisite picture today. The artist had painted it exactly how i have imagined it for years now. It was whole. filled with extraordinary colors and sealed in the most beautiful frame. It was simply magical. Somehow i got absorbed into the picture and it came to life. The picture came to life! :') No matter how short lived it was and how i saw it slipping right through my hands while i was living it... I didn't waste an instant grieving about what follows. Rather seized each moment and let it have the best of me. God always amazes me. He always makes sure i taste a little of whatever i ask for. There is no doubt in my mind that He is the Greatest of all.  

No escape.

Yes the end is near. I wake up each day with a clear picture in my mind of whats coming and that just makes it impossible for me to leave the bed. Each night when i hit the bed i cry out of frustration. My heart keeps racing 24 hours a day. I'm scared. in a horrible kind of way but i guess i'm doing a really good job at not showing it. I know i can't fall apart. Life goes on and we have to deal with it. its not easy.Never will be. The sooner we accept it the better. I know i have. I just pray i'm able to get through with it with a smile on my face. The insides don't matter now. No escape.

Reality strikes.

The more i think about what lies ahead the more i wish i could make it stop. Even though i walk around each day with a smile but inside i'm like a scared little bunny hiding at a corner of the room, hoping fate forgets to play its little game on me. I lay in bed with a tired mind and a weary heart, deprived of thoughts. 5 years is a lifetime. This was my own little world, my home. A place where i felt safe. This is all i have done with my life but now i have to leave and join theirs. I don't know what the future holds for me and that just keeps getting scarier. Its the fear of the unknown that haunts me at nights. I hardly get much sleep now a days maybe because i'm trying to slow the time down. I guess no matter how much we are aware of the future we are actually never prepared to face it. Out of everything i'll be losing i'll miss my family the most. I simply don't want to go.

Another tragedy.

Today was horrible by all means. Burnt all my fingers by accident, both my best friends are not talking to me but i guess God wanted to make sure i see how mad he is at me because the worst met me in the evening.

I was sitting in the parlor with my sisters when my dad called to tell me he'll be there to pick us up in 2 minutes. A minute later a guy knocked at the door to inform his wife that there is a car on fire and he is going to help. As soon as i heard him say that i got up and ran outside. I was almost sure it was my dad's car. It was already dark. outside i could see a car at a small distance on the right, covered in flames right in the middle of traffic. With my eyes wide open and a racing heart i ran towards  the car. It took me 5 seconds to do the math and i finally realized it couldn't be my dad because he was coming from the other side. I stopped. But the horror didn't end there. I stopped and kept looking at the destruction. I couldn't move,couldn't scream. There were children inside and were literally thrown out of the burning car. By the look of it..it was obvious nobody could have survived. There were people running towards the scene from all directions. The car burned like a candle in the rainy night. So painful, so tragic. Its been 4 hours since i saw it and i still can't stop crying. May God keep us all safe.     . 

Statue with beating heart.

There is a price we pay with every breath. Life in this world is not free and we pay it off with ourselves. Slowly and gradually it kills us. It keeps on giving us reasons to keep running and we run to our own grave. For some unknown reason i always end up getting the raw end of the deal. But when the pain is so great and constant one becomes numb. I can almost take on anything and still not break. Days are still the same and nights are still empty. But i'm okay. A statue with beating heart.

Ticking time bomb.

I wake up each day with a strong realization of what lies ahead. Even though its the time of the year where i spend each day dreading the summers. The thought of being away from home.. it kills me. However this time its different. This time the summers are going to be forever. No escape at all. I'v spent all my life fearing the end and its finally here. Very close, very frightening. Like a ticking time bomb.

Damaged.

We are all damaged, moving around with bleeding scars. Every day, each day, we wake up, look up at the ceiling and remember how we got there. Still, we get up, dress up and face the world with a smile on our pale faces. If there could be an instrument to measure pain, this world would be such a better place to live in. Empathy is rare. We are all caught up in our own battle, oblivious to the fact that we are all in our own battle fields, fighting, dying a little each day. We are all wounded. Some more than others, some not healing at all. And we are all tired. Weary of waking up in the same bloody field as we fall a sleep in each night. We are all different but this pain makes us one. We are all beautiful stories written in the most delicate way. Meant to be read in this world. Joy at last to know there is no happiness in this world.  

Life is a bitch.

Life is a bitch. that's what my friend said when i told him whats happening in my house right now. Sadly,today is my birthday. I've always hated this day and for some reason every year i find a reason to envy this day even more. Yesterday a friend told me i should get used to the way things are by now. I can never get used to tragedy.i can never become immune to the pain i feel when i watch others fight or bleed. i can never be happy and know how someone around me is suffering at the same time.This life is nothing but trash. Filled with filth. Full of crap. There is no end to this fucking shit hole testing me over and over.Relations are overrated.   Just another day. </3