Rantings of a tired mind.(4)

I'm not very proud of how i'v been lately but i guess at the same time i don't care. I'v completely lost what it takes to be good and that's fine..maybe because i'v been good for too long and maybe i'v realized that there is no hope for anything worthwhile to happen in return. All my life i'v spent every ounce of my energy trying to make others feel special.. nothing ever stopped me from being who i was. Never did i realize what it was doing to me..killing me piece by piece. There is so much anger piled up inside waiting to get out.. literally begging my soul to set it free. There is a commotion filled inside my head,a constant noise that doesn't allow me to be at peace. A loud scream remains tied down in my throat desperate to come to life. There is so much pain. Its there. All the damn time.

A day at the lake.

It was a warm spring evening at the lake. She stood graciously by the fence, arms folded below her chest, a tragic smile on her face, her eyes fixed at the calm water. The wind constantly blew the strands of her hair across her face but she didn't complain. Her heart was too tired. It had been a long time now and she was getting used to the sad days and lonely nights but once in a while it all came crashing down at once and she had to get away.. just like it happened that day. There were no words to fill the emptiness, no remedy to cure the ache. Soon her burdened heart made it impossible for her to stand. She sat near the water, her usual place and watched the birds descend, touch the surface and rise again. There was something so beautiful about it.  She closed her eyes, hugged her legs and listened. She listened to the nature's music. The chirping of birds, the noise of the wind as it swayed the grass, the sound of the splashing water as the birds hit the surface and took off, the sweet instrumental being played at a distance. It was all overwhelming. Soon a tear forced its way through her closed eye and raced down her cheek. A hundred followed. She cried for a long time. I guess that's what happens when you stay strong for too long. Humans are made that way. They can only stay strong for too long. They are bound to fall. But it was alright. She wasn't ashamed of breaking. It was the only proof that she was still alive.   

My favorite place.

I went to my favorite place after a long day at university. By the time i got there the sun was all set to bid farewell and the wind had almost lost its warmth. I sat on the bench, legs crossed, opened my favorite book and started to read. Soon enough i got distracted by the sight of a white butterfly making its way through the long grass. It would occasionally descend to the ground and  rise again, fluttering its magical wings. i wanted to get back to my reading as soon as it disappeared at a distance but my eyes traveled west following the sound of a dove. It stood by a water exit and occasionally bowed to the ground to drink. It was so far the most beautiful thing i had seen that day. The grass was green following a long spell of rain and a few yellow dandelions stood graciously on the top. The wind was gentle and embraced my naked hands and face. As i gazed above i noticed a few flakes of white clouds crawling on empty blue sky. Its the best place to be nowadays. Takes my mind off things for a while.